Love Among the Chickens Page 11

  THE BRAVE PRESERVER

  XI

  I could have wished, during the next few days, that Mr. Harry Hawk'sattitude toward myself had not been so unctuously confidential andmysterious. It was unnecessary, in my opinion, for him to grinmeaningly whenever he met me in the street. His sly wink when wepassed each other on the Cob struck me as in indifferent taste. Thething had been definitely arranged (half down and half when it wasover), and there was no need for any cloak and dark-lantern effects. Iobjected strongly to being treated as the villain of a melodrama. Iwas merely an ordinary well-meaning man, forced by circumstances intodoing the work of Providence. Mr. Hawk's demeanor seemed to say:

  "We are two reckless scoundrels, but bless you, _I_ won't give awayyour guilty secret."

  The climax came one morning as I was going along the street toward thebeach. I was passing a dark doorway, when out shimmered Mr. Hawk as ifhe had been a specter instead of the most substantial man within aradius of ten miles.

  "St!" he whispered.

  "Now look here, Hawk," I said wrathfully, for the start he had givenme had made me bite my tongue, "this has got to stop. I refuse to behaunted in this way. What is it now?"

  "Mr. Derrick goes out this morning, zur."

  "Thank goodness for that," I said. "Get it over this morning, then,without fail. I couldn't stand another day of this."

  I went on to the Cob, where I sat down. I was excited. Deeds of greatimport must shortly be done. I felt a little nervous. It would neverdo to bungle the thing. Suppose by some accident I were to drown theprofessor, or suppose that, after all, he contented himself with amere formal expression of thanks and refused to let bygones bebygones. These things did not bear thinking of.

  I got up and began to pace restlessly to and fro.

  Presently from the farther end of the harbor there put off Mr. Hawk'sboat, bearing its precious cargo. My mouth became dry with excitement.

  Very slowly Mr. Hawk pulled round the end of the Cob, coming to astandstill some dozen yards from where I was performing my beat. Itwas evidently here that the scene of the gallant rescue had beenfixed.

  My eyes were glued upon Mr. Hawk's broad back. The boat lay almostmotionless on the water. I had never seen the sea smoother.

  It seemed as if this perfect calm might continue for ever. Mr. Hawkmade no movement. Then suddenly the whole scene changed to one of vastactivity. I heard Mr. Hawk utter a hoarse cry, and saw him plungeviolently in his seat. The professor turned half round, and I caughtsight of his indignant face, pink with emotion. Then the scene changedagain with the rapidity of a dissolving view. I saw Mr. Hawk giveanother plunge, and the next moment the boat was upside down in thewater, and I was shooting head foremost to the bottom, oppressed withthe indescribably clammy sensation which comes when one's clothes arethoroughly wet.

  I rose to the surface close to the upturned boat. The first sight Isaw was the spluttering face of Mr. Hawk. I ignored him and swam towhere the professor's head bobbed on the waters.

  "Keep cool," I said. A silly remark in the circumstances.

  He was swimming energetically but unskillfully. In his shore clothesit would have taken him at least a week to struggle to land.

  I knew all about saving people from drowning. We used to practice itwith a dummy in the swimming bath at school. I attacked him from therear and got a good grip of him by the shoulders. I then swam on myback in the direction of land, and beached him at the feet of anadmiring crowd. I had thought of putting him under once or twice justto show him he was being rescued, but decided against such a course asneedlessly realistic. As it was, I fancy he had swallowed two or threehearty draughts of sea water.

  The crowd was enthusiastic.

  "Brave young feller," said somebody.

  I blushed. This was fame.

  "Jumped in, he did, sure enough, an' saved the gentleman!"

  "Be the old soul drownded?"

  "That girt fule, 'Arry 'Awk!"

  I was sorry for Mr. Hawk. Popular opinion, in which the professorwrathfully joined, was against him. I could not help thinking that myfellow-conspirator did well to keep out of it all. He was now sittingin the boat, which he had restored to its normal position, balingpensively with an old tin can. To satire from the shore he paid noattention.

  The professor stood up and stretched out his hand to me.

  I grasped it.

  "Mr. Garnet," he said, for all the world as if he had been the fatherof the heroine of "Hilda's Hero," "we parted recently in anger. Let methank you for your gallant conduct, and hope that bygones will bebygones."

  "Mr. Garnet," he said, "we parted recently in anger. Ihope that bygones will be bygones."]

  Like Mr. Samuel Weller, I liked his conversation much. It was "werrypretty."

  I came out strong. I continued to hold his hand. The crowd raised asympathetic cheer.

  I said:

  "Professor, the fault was mine. Show that you have forgiven me bycoming up to the farm and putting on something dry."

  "An excellent idea, me boy. I _am_ a little wet."

  We walked briskly up the hill to the farm. Ukridge met us at the gate.

  He diagnosed the situation rapidly.

  "You're all wet," he said.

  I admitted it.

  "Professor Derrick has had an unfortunate boating accident," Iexplained.

  "And Mr. Garnet heroically dived in, in all his clothes, and saved melife," broke in the professor. "A hero, sir. _A-choo!_"

  "You're catching cold, old horse," said Ukridge, all friendliness andconcern, his little differences with the professor having vanishedlike thawed snow. "This'll never do. Come upstairs and get intosomething of Garnet's. My own toggery wouldn't fit, what? Come along,come along. I'll get you some hot water. Mrs. Beale--Mrs. _Beale_! Wewant a large can of hot water. At once. What? Yes, immediately. What?Very well, then, as soon as you can. Now, then, Garny, my boy, outwith the duds. What do you think of this, now, professor? A sweetlypretty thing in gray flannel. Here's a shirt. Get out of that wettoggery, and Mrs. Beale shall dry it. Don't attempt to tell me aboutit till you've changed. Socks? Socks forward. Show socks. Here youare. Coat? Try this blazer. That's right. That's right."

  He bustled about till the professor was clothed, then marched himdownstairs and gave him a cigar.

  "Now, what's all this? What happened?"

  The professor explained. He was severe in his narration upon theunlucky Mr. Hawk.

  "I was fishing, Mr. Ukridge, with me back turned, when I felt the boatrock violently from one side to the other to such an extent that Inearly lost me equilibrium. And then the boat upset. The man's a fool,sir. I could not see what had happened, my back being turned, as Isay."

  "Garnet must have seen. What happened, Marmaduke?"

  I tried to smooth things over for Mr. Hawk.

  "It was very sudden," I said. "It seemed to me as if the man had gotan attack of cramp. That would account for it. He has the reputationof being a most sober and trustworthy fellow."

  "Never trust that sort of man," said Ukridge. "They are always theworst. It's plain to me that this man was beastly drunk, and upset theboat while trying to do a dance."

  The professor was in the best of tempers, and I worked strenuously tokeep him so. My scheme had been so successful that its iniquity didnot worry me. I have noticed that this is usually the case in mattersof this kind. It is the bungled crime that brings remorse.

  "We must go round the links together one of these days, Mr. Garnet,"said the professor. "I have noticed you there on several occasions,playing a strong game. I have lately taken to using a Schenectadyputter. It is wonderful what a difference it makes."

  Golf is a great bond of union. We wandered about the groundsdiscussing the game, the _entente cordiale_ growing more firmlyestablished every moment.

  "We must certainly arrange a meeting," concluded the professor. "Ishall be interested to see how we stand with regard to one another. Ihave improved my game considerably since I have been down
here--considerably."

  "My only feat worthy of mention since I started the game," I said,"has been to halve a round with Angus McLurkin at St. Andrew's."

  "_The_ McLurkin?" asked the professor, impressed.

  "Yes. But it was one of his very off days, I fancy. He must have hadgout, or something. And I have certainly never played so well since."

  "Still--" said the professor. "Yes, we must really arrange to meet."

  With Ukridge, who was in one of his less tactless moods, he becamevery friendly.

  Ukridge's ready agreement with his strictures on the erring Hawk had agreat deal to do with this. When a man has a grievance he feels drawnto those who will hear him patiently and sympathize. Ukridge was allsympathy.

  "The man is an unprincipled scoundrel," he said, "and should be tornlimb from limb. Take my advice, Cholmondeley, and don't go out withhim again. Show him that you are not a man to be trifled with. Thespilled child dreads the water, what? Human life isn't safe with suchmen as Hawk roaming about."

  "You are perfectly right, sir. The man can have no defense. I shallnot employ him again."

  I felt more than a little guilty while listening to this duet on thesubject of the man whom I had lured from the straight and narrowpath. But my attempts at excusing him were ill received. Indeed, theprofessor showed such distinct signs of becoming heated that Iabandoned my fellow-conspirator to his fate with extreme promptness.After all, an addition to the stipulated reward--one of thesedays--would compensate him for any loss which he might sustain fromthe withdrawal of the professor's custom. Mr. Harry Hawk was in goodenough case. I would see that he did not suffer.

  Filled with these philanthropic feelings, I turned once more to talkwith the professor of niblicks and approach shots and holes done inthree without a brassy. We were a merry party at lunch--a lunch,fortunately, in Mrs. Beale's best vein, consisting of a roast chickenand sweets. Chicken had figured somewhat frequently of late on ourdaily bill of fare.

  We saw the professor off the premises in his dried clothes, and Iturned back to put the fowls to bed in a happier frame of mind than Ihad known for a long time. I whistled rag-time airs as I worked.

  "Rum old buffer," said Ukridge meditatively. "My goodness, I shouldhave liked to see him in the water. Why do I miss these good things?"